Last night was the first time I really craved something sweet. And like the buzzing of a mosquito hiding in a dark hot summers room, once I noticed it was there it annoyed the shit out of me.
Dinner was fine. Left over lamb cutlets and salad. My mineral waster was fine. Everything was fine. But come 8pm I had an itch that was in desperate need of scratching. No matter what I had said previously about sugar and how it held nothing for me, that I barely ate it, could easily go without, the realization that I was in fact addicted to it in someway shape or form, came crashing down with a hard reality
I tried to keep busy.
Two loads of washing, paying bills, fixing the modem that Telstra has somehow blocked so my new iinet account cant work on it – yeah thanks – don’t think that fight is over, watching the football.
By 8:30 I was googeling paleo friendly dessert.
Oh and the tasty things that came up!
Dark chocolate cake, almond meal cheesecake, cookies, rum balls, even mousse.
All of these delicious delicacies only made my itch larger and fuelled an already blazing fire, for while these wonderful clean eating desserts were paleo friendly, not one was entirely clean enough for the Primal Challenge. Dark chocolate, maple syrup, they all called for something on the banned substance list.
I was almost a shaking, drooling mess by the time I found the pancake recipe.
Almond meal pancakes. And I had all the ingredients. I found my trusty pancake mixing bowl, tried to ignore the standard recipe printed inside and its call out for ½ cup white sugar, and mixed my paleo, sugar free pancakes consisting of almond meal, eggs, water and coconut, with a fever paced flurry and hint of madness.
The pan barely had a chance to heat before I was pouring in the first round blob of goodness.
As I watched the sides bubble and darken, ready to be flipped, I wanted nothing more than to flip the half cooked savior into my salivating mouth.
Instead I showed restraint and made myself cook all six of the darlings before even tasting one.
Then they were on a plate (or at least two of them) and I was ready to dig in.
They were a little dry.
And the texture was not great, mostly due to the overexcited amount of coconut I used.
To be frank, they didn’t cut it and I was disappointed and my craving was still there.
And then I remembered the honey sitting only feet away from me, hiding snug in the pantry door.
All natural, nothing artificial added honey.
Could this be the one time my inner cave man found their honeycomb after months of searching?
I took the squeeze bottle out of the pantry door and smelt it. I even turned the lid and squeezed it a little to watch the liquid gold push up to the top of the bottle.
I knew this was not right. This was not ok. But still I wanted it so bad. And I can’t even remember the last time I ate honey.
Before I could dwell on it any longer I hid the honey back in the pantry and sprinted the ten steps to where my ipad was and quickly typed an SOS to primal junction.
Hi friends, can you please confirm if honey is in or out for the challenge?
I was so desperate I wrote it twice.
And then the news I had dreaded came back to me…
Hey Stace, for the challenge it’s out – we’re trying to get rid of the sugar addiction and your brain doesn’t register the different types, be it natural or refined – it’s all sugar! So you’re still really feeding that addiction. Try and avoid it if you can…sorry
I think I knew it already.
So with a sigh and a shake of my head, I went back to my dry almond meal sugarless pancakes. I forced down two with the help of a few frozen berries (if that’s not ok then shoot me now) and put the rest in the fridge for Saturday’s breakfast.
I’ll admit. I was not in a good way. I went to bed unsatisfied and didn’t even see the end of the footy.
Saturday was a new day. Boxing with a friend who since meeting Kacey at the Primal Junction clean eating seminar has taken up yoga at Kula, and then vegie shopping at Richmond market. Fantastic!
Boxing was tough. Tougher than the week before when I was fuelled by a white wine and Thai food hangover. Today my legs felt sluggish and heavy and by the end of the session even holding up the pads was hard work.
I remembered the week before where I was almost sprinting between the circuit to now where every step felt like I was walking up Mount Everest with a 40k pack on my back, and hoped this was just another phase in my body recovering and preparing to be the mean, lean fighting machine I had promised myself it would be come.
Post boxing I dragged myself to the market. I stocked up on kale, celery, cauliflower, parsnips, pumpkin, avocados (I think I got 10 in total from at least three different stalls just to keep the competition alive) lemons and lettuce. I only stopped shopping because my bag was so heavy and my arms so tired I couldn’t carry anymore.
Despite my failed pancake effort the night prior, I dragged them out of the fridge again and glared at them with determination. You will be tasty!
Two poached free-range eggs, four pieces of organic Cannings bacon, half an avocado later and they were!
So delicious I forgave them for last nights effort and promised I would give them another crack further down the 30-day line.
So delicious I had to cook up another serve for my father in law who came over just as I was finishing them.
So delicious I have already run out of eggs and bacon.
So delicious I pepped myself up, forgot about my withdrawal symptoms night before and vowed the rest of Saturday would be a new Day 6 day!
But again, let’s curb that enthusiasm. It’s lunchtime Saturday, and a big football game still to come. I’m trying not to think about it, because frankly, it could just be my tipping point.
Oh Day 6 how will you end!?