The Primal Challenge Day 12

I remembered to bring in the rest of my chocolate cake to work today. Double dark chocolate mud cake. I bought it in, took the lid off the Tupperware, cut up the cake and called everyone over for a slice.  People have come and gone all day to take a piece or two (it’s a big cake) and I have sat here, and smelt the chocolate goodness. I’m in a dizzy haze of second hand sugar euphoria.

It’s almost enough. Not quite, but almost. This actually is the one cake I would eat and today my headache had returned and my back is not the best and I couldn’t finish the WOD so I’m slightly depressed, so a piece of moist, dense, sickly sweet chocolate cake would be just what I needed right?

Wrong.

I am eating a banana (still can’t cut out fruit completely, it’s my only piece today) and pretending it is in fact the chocolate cake. The smell that still lingers in the air is actually making it easier, if I close my eyes and block my nose it’s almost reality.

Thank god the last piece was taken and I didn’t have to pack him away and take him home again. That would have been too much.

I love baking. I love the precision and actually finding it soothing in a crazy dough kneading sort of way.  But most of all I love making people happy.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a bit of charity work but I’m no Australian of the year – I’ve left that title to the amazing Shane Crawford after his Melbourne to Perth ride for Breast Cancer. I’m just talking about making people happy with instant gratification, and I can do that through food.

So I bake and I cook and I share it all with a smile and a warm bubble of pleasure runs through my body every time someone takes another cookie or slice of cake.

But today, I did feel a little differently. I felt a little guilty.

There were a few remarks about how I was ‘making them fat’ or ‘poisoning’ them with sugar when I was not eating it – of course their comments didn’t stop them from taking cake – but they did make me a little more self aware.

Was I making them fat and poisoning them? Would they be just as happy if I bought in a sugarless, flourless, almond meal cake or some protein powder balls?

I think the answer is no.

Unless…. I never told them it was sugarless/flourless and completely clean…..

Regardless, now that I know about the dangers of sugar, should I stop playing with it in the kitchen? This would involve an entire new hobby – an entire new library of cookbooks, an entire new set of carefully labeled Tupperware containers, (yes slight obsessive compulsive disorder) with an entire new set of ingredients. 

And – shock horror – what if this type of food doesn’t make people happy??!! I’m like Jerry Seinfeld – I want to be everyone’s friend – I don’t want enemies due to my poorly baked and horrible tasting kitchen catastrophe. 

Plus ill have a new team from 1st August; they don’t need a boss who tries to poison them by eliminating poison!

Oh chocolate, oh sugar, look what you have done to me – and I haven’t even eaten a piece of you – not even a crumb   – or licked the knife.

Please sugar; please don’t take away my social status. If I’m not the positive team player with a mean competitive edge especially when she is hungry – then I could be nobody. Well not quite, but its Friday afternoon, time for a bit of dramatics.

Can I bake a cake or two, a tray of cookies, a pie, a tart, and some scones just for special occasions? Can I throw in a cup or two of sugar (or three as this recipe called for) and not have my conscience eat away at my inner angel?

Surely we all have a sugar choice – and if I can bake it and not eat it – then others can also choose what to put in their mouth.

As long as they know, and as long as there is a choice.

So –

Post Challenge Firm Commitment Number 1

  1. Experiment in sugar free baking and hope that like a packet of sugar free extra I can still make people smile.

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